Top 10 sexiest clothes

Even though I love being naked (srsly I can’t stress enough how much I love being naked), I still do wear clothes every now and then. But don’t worry, ‘cuz even clothes can get me in DA MOOD. So I decided to list the 10 sexiest pieces of clothing – not necessarily to look at, but definitely to wear.

10.fishnets

Okay let’s start with a lie. I don’t own fishnets, so I barely ever wear fishnets. But I should, ‘cuz they are one of the sexiest things a woman could ever wear. If you somehow need to get yourself in a porny mood real quick, grab a bottle of scotch and put on some fishnets. And plz tell me the story about why you needed to get yourself in a porny mood real quick!

9.bikini top

This one is a bit weird, but I think kini tops are so much cooler than bras. Bras are made to hide boobies and to keep them in shape. Bikini tops are made to make them bounce around a lot. Whoever invented them must have been a man, but my twin girls thank him.

8.jeans

Jeans? Yeah, jeans. Skinny jeans. They magnify EVERY single bit that’s wrong with your body, they are impossible to put on and even more impossible to take off, but when used correctly, they can make every guy go like that guy in that meme (you know, that meme). They also work magic with high-waist undies 😉

7.skirt

Right, should I explain this? The feeling of freedom. The risks of exposing oneself in public. The amazing possibilities of fooling around outside your own bedroom, teasing people, club bathroom quickies. Wait, what was that? Never mind.

6.socks

Rule of thumb: the higher my socks are, the hornier I will get during the day. Ankle socks are boring, calf socks are okay, knee socks start to get really freaky and then there’s thigh socks. I mean… I can’t even explain how hot they are. I’m gonna put a pair on RIGHT FKN NOW.

5.shorts shorts all kinds of shorts

Did I mention shorts yet? I don’t know how perfect they are but every single version of them is amazing. Denim shorts make you all Jessica Simpson-y, especially when ripped. Sports shorts make the boys at the gym look. Undies shorts are perfect for lazy Sundays, pajama shorts are perfect for lazy Sunday’s at your parents’. And as for boy shorts… well, can’t wear your shorts when I’m wearing them, right?

4.sweatshirt

Sweatshirts aren’t sexy clothes, as in: they weren’t meant to be sexy. But try explaining that to a Noëlle who just fell off the couch having a ridiculous orgasm while watching a documentary on a sports teams preparing for the new season, while at the same time, outside, a huge snowstorm is raging. Hypothetically, of course!

3.onesie

The onesie is, without any doubt, the most evil, vile piece of clothing ever invented. It’s super impractical, it’s impossible to wear any underwear underneath, but you have to because you don’t want every single person in the room to be able to deduct your currect mood from the state of your nipples and/or funny parts. And yet… have you ever ripped one off a girl’s body? Case in POINT.

2.mini dress

Have you read 7.skirt? Read it again. Add: no possible way to hide your body, boobs, nipples, belly or butt, and you know why this is in the top 3.

1.thong

In case you needed any explanation:

• they make your butt look great
• they are amazing to slowly take off
• they are amazing to quickly rip off
• they are amazing to leave on (during you-know-what)
• they whisper “hey, still feel me? i’m right here” every time you move
• apparently bois like them *grins*

Did I miss one? Lemme know below!